We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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