Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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