found the other keg... it's in the tree
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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