So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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