I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
This toilet bowl is my home.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
