____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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