At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
