You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
