I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
