So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
