On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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