i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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