I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
