Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
