She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
