trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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