Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
