Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
