HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My feet surprised me
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
