I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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