is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have aggressive nipples.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
