I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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