I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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