cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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