i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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