I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
