i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
