Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
