exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
