I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
