I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
