Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
