I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
