Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
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