Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
