we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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