Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Randomize
