ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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