Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize