I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
