the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
