she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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