I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
