It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
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