I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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