Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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