I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
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We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize