Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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