I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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