Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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