I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
