I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
