I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
