i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
