Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
