i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
