if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
