i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
