We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well I just put wine in my tea
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
