On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
