My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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