I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
