I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
too bad you live with your parents still
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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