You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
