I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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