he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
