i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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