Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
