Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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