at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You left your phone here
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