I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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